Nov 092010

1. You have the bladder capacity of five people

2. You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience

3. You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air

4. Your idea of a good time is a gun run or a car chase

5. You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you

6. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills

7. You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see

8. You have your weekends off planned for a year

9. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce

10. You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it’s located

11. You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: “Suicide…getting it done right the first time”

12. You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably

13. You think caffeine should be available in IV form

14. You believe anyone who says, “I only had two beers” is going to blow more than a .15

15. You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.

16. Anyone has ever said to you, “There are people killing other people out there and you are here messing with me.”

17. People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places…..and you know where it’s located

18. You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body

19. You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession

20. You walk into places and people think it’s high comedy to seize their buddy and shout, “They’ve come to get you Bill!”

21. You do not see daylight from November until May

22. People shout, “I didn’t do it!” when you walk into a room and think they’re being funny and original

23. A week’s worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pair of socks and 5 pair of underwear

24. You’ve ever referred to Tuesday as “my weekend”, or “this is my Friday”

25. You’ve ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction

26. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, it sure is quiet tonight.”

27. Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you

28. You find humor in other people’s stupidity

29. You have left more meals on the restaruant table than you’ve eaten

30. You feel good when you hear “these handuffs are too tight”

31. Been there done that

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